2012

I have not been on here for some time, I believe this is the start of a new year and a new perspective for me. Life has not been good for me the last 3 years and I never make news years resolutions cause no actually keeps them. Financially life has been tough but I just can't seem to get anyone to adopt any of my kiddos, so here I am working 2 jobs and so far making it thru. I have learned so many hard lessons from choices which the consequences are a bitch. But we all strive to be happy in this world, but what is true happiness? We seem to search it thru others, thru material wealth, our children our animals but you know what it has taken me some time to come to the understanding that God gives us happiness every day we just don't seem to stop in our busy lives to observe the blessings of happiness. Like Linus always said on peanuts, life if happiness when he had his blankie. I have decided to stop looking to others to make me happy. Only I can do that, and of course with God's help (and a million dollars would be nice). But the first thing is every morning when my feet hit the floor to start a new day and my dog Maggie licks my face and the devil is thinking oh Shit shes up an going again is a good start. Coffee is forever a true blessing, chocolate, children laughing, and just the unconditional things that happen to us every day that should make us stop and realize this is happiness. Cause there is no true blissful happiness out there. My gastric bypass surgery was one year ago, I have made great strides and probably have lengthened my time on earth to (torture my kids longer) but to love longer also. I have lost 144 lbs and I feel wonderful. Except for an ulcer and now a cyst. But oh well. Thats for another day. So tonights blessings from God will be sweet dreams of what ever we all wish for and a start of a new day.